Back From the Field

Important things I learned in Kurghay:

Marines are bad for my smoking habit.

Condensation will get your sleeping bag wetter than rain.

The mangina is also known as a ‘Reverse Fruit Basket’.

Being shot at is a rush.

A poncho is not large enough to cover a sleeping bag.

It is possible to step on an IED and have it explode and not be injured.

Spooning is completely acceptable between men at night when it is cold, as long as you don’t make humping motions while trying to scratch your butt.

People did not draw penises in their friends’ textbooks twenty years ago.

The ground at night is cold and lumpy if you do not have a mat.

Turkeys are known as ‘ditch chickens,’ even though that makes more sense for pheasants.

A certian Lieutenant’s pubic hair could function as a comb-over to conceal his manhood, it has grown so long.

Chinese technical writing on dated military equipment is waaaaay beyond what I remember.

Placing the heads of two penises together, at least one uncircumcised, and rolling the foreskin back and forth across them both is known as ‘schnoodling.’

Always wake up before everyone else if you are catching a flight/convoy at an unknown hour the next day, even if this means staying up all night.

You cannot wear body armor, be in a Mine Resistant Armored Personnel Carrier, and sleep, all at the same time.

Blast diapers will strip you of nut hair.

Not removing your boots for 36 hours is bad. It is much worse when you haven’t showered in six days.

I should be very, very afraid of going to Vegas when 2/4 gets back in April.

For an inhospitable place, Afghanistan can be remarkably beautiful.

The stars. Oh, the stars.

  1. jack says: November 29, 20116:28 pm

    Incredible! Remember your mom will read this ,I hope it wasnt you that stepped on the ied.Go Lars!

  2. Marjorie Yang says: November 29, 20113:20 pm

    I now know so much more about man habits, and you. Hooray! Drinks when you head up to NY? Marj

  3. Marcus Cohlan says: November 28, 20112:57 pm

    Lots to add to my lexicon while in the bedroom. Also, it’s reassuring to read the systematic pain and discomfort I could subject my body to if I find the power behind other self inflicted character building activities like backpacking, helping in a soup kitchen, and long runs through rainstorms expires.

    I hear you are headed home in December?


    • Lawrence Dabney says: November 29, 201112:00 am

      Next couple days, in fact. I’ll be in DC on the 2nd and hopefully up to NYC the weekend of the 10th for birthday chicanery with Yago.

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